INSHAPE NEWS SEXPERT
Pauline Ryeland – Intimacy and Sexual Coach, Educator and Healer
I find it sad that as a society we have invested so much interest into some-one’s sexuality. Our emphasis should be placed more on who someone is and accepting them for who they are, rather than focusing on who they are having sex with. Our society honestly has so many hung-ups about sex and the so called taboos associated with it that assumptions and misinformation has become rampant.
SEX IS OUR NATURAL BIRTH RIGHT
What a better world it would be if we could remove our limiting beliefs and points of view, and get back to the basics. We need to accept that sex is our natural given birth right and a very healthy part of our existence and being. Our sexuality feeds and nurtures our soul and is our life force. How you feed it is irrelevant, as long as it honours you and the person you choose to be with, and, of course, does no harm to anyone else.
I am not a bisexual, so I don’t know what this experience is, just as I don’t know what it is to be a homosexual or a lesbian. So, I did some research and interviewed a few people who understand more about being bisexual. I got their perspectives on how life has been for them as a bisexual and the things that they have come-up against in their experience of living life a little outside the box.
For the most part, many bisexuals have felt pressured from both straight and gay communities to having to decide or choose who they want to be with, a man or a woman. Some have endured being called “hogs” from their straight friends because they can be with either sex.
One young woman told me that she asked her male partner if he considered it cheating if she was with a woman. His response was no, not if he could watch or be part of it, yet it wasn’t ok for her to explore her bisexuality on her own.
They also discussed with me how sometimes they felt so ‘in between’ the genders with their masculine and feminine sides and how they could really feel the contrasts. Sometimes they feel so strong in their masculinity and at other times the girly and feminine side came out.
I was also told that when they came out to their parents about their bisexuality that often their parents hoped that they would grow out of it and eventually choose the opposite sex. However, the fact remains that this was not the case. A bi-sexual is no different from a straight person or a gay person, they know and understand their sexuality and except that this is what they are. But, for many this understanding may take time, they may even fight their sexuality or suppress it because it doesn’t fit inside the box.
At the end of the day, it’s not just about the sex, which seems to be what everyone else is focused on. A bi-sexual person is no different from someone who is straight or who is gay. They are generally wanting to be in a relationship that is loving and intimate with all the layers that go with that.
SO WHAT IS BI-CURIOUS?
In more recent years I’ve come across the expression bi-curious. This is when a straight person has a curiosity to explore what it would be like to share intimacy with someone from their own gender. Whilst some people have started to explore this area, they know that they are sexually inclined to be straight, yet they have enjoyed the experience of playing with a sexual edge and the many layers of what that experience may bring for them.
As a straight person who has only recently been bi-curious, I know that I want to be with a man. I know it’s my natural way of being as I love everything about sex with a man. Men excite me, really turn me on and push my buttons. However, this doesn’t stop me from being curious about having sex with and experiencing a woman. If someone is bi-curious this does not make them bi-sexual. It simply means that they open to new experiences and want to explore and discover other aspects of their sexual being.
IT’S ABOUT WHO YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU HAVE SEX WITH
At the end of the day it should not matter whether you are straight, gay or bisexual or any of the varying shade of sexuality. What is important is who you are, how you feel and how you choose to walk your path on this planet. Who you have sex with, is also not important, as long as it’s not harming anyone.
If you like this article, please share and leave your comments at www.healthypassionateliving.com.
Pauline Ryland works as an intimacy and sexuality coach, educator and healer and draws on a variety of techniques. She combines working with two different styles of NLP to create change on an unconscious level/and or work with the body drawing on a myriad of healing techniques using energy to promote sexual healing and awakening. Pauline also teaches and educates on how to raise your sexual energy (libido) and interest as well as teaching a variety of Tantric and Shamanic principles including breath work. People who see Pauline are either having challenges with intimacy, sex or their sexuality or are wanting more out of their sexual experiences. She also teach couples how to connect into each more on a deeper level.
Isiah-Rebecca McKimmie – Sex and Relationship Coach and Owner of Passionate Spirit.
To be honest, this month’s question fills me with distaste. Not because I’m uncomfortable with people being attracted to both men and women, but because I don’t think our sexual attractions are something that should need to be defined or evaluated.
Our sexual attractions are not something we have a choice over. They shouldn’t need to be defined, explained or justified. They just are.
Kinsey, the world’s most renowned sex educator proposed that sexuality orientation wasn’t an either or heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, but a scale with numerous and unique possibilities for attraction orientation.
I’m attracted to both men and women. I prefer to have relationships with men, but I enjoy sensual and sexual encounters with women. Does that make me bisexual? I don’t know. I’ve never considered it and don’t care to. It is what it is.
So, what are the pros and cons of bisexuality? Or what are the pros and cons of any sexual attraction?
I think the real ‘con’ here is how sexuality, sexual desire or gender outside of the norm is viewed and judged by society. It’s normal to explore sexual relations with members of both sexes at some point in your life. Human beings and apes have been doing it for a long, long time.
The bottom line, therefore is that it is important for you to follow your instincts, what you’re attracted to and for you to discover which relationships, turn-ons and ‘expressions of you’ work best for you. You don’t need to fit into a label or stereotype. And you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.
Isiah-Rebecca McKimmie is a certified Somatic sex therapist and studied at the Institute for the Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality in the US. She has additional qualifications in Gestalt psychotherapy and Tantra. Isiah has now been helping people improve their sex lives and relationships for over five years including working previously as a sex surrogate alongside top psychologists. Isiah owns Passionate Spirit, a world-wide coaching organisation that inspires love and passion through great sex and better relationships. Passionate Spirit provides education, practical skills and compassionate support to help people develop self-confidence, more fulfilling sex lives and truly intimate relationships.
Disclaimer: The author’s own professional and personal knowledge, and opinion form the basis of this column. This information and opinion are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment of any manner. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition and consult a qualified medical professional before beginning any nutritional program or exercise program. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on InShape News.