Infidelity

 INSHAPE NEWS SEXPERT

Pauline Ryeland – Intimacy and Sexual Coach, Educator and Healer

This was a challenge to write about as I don’t personally have experience of infidelity and  I didn’t want to talk about it from a hypothetical perspective.

So what I did was draw on some of my clients experiences as well as putting  together some standard questions and sent it out to my subscribers for their input and I was overwhelmed with the responses, for which I’m deeply grateful. I also asked their opinions as to what they thought were the reasons that infidelity occurs.

NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS

The answers from both of these surveys were surprisingly different as they were varied.

The most obvious answers indicated that people thought the reasons were due to being unhappy in the relationship or not having sex. However that was far from the truth. Whilst some men and women concurred, that this was the case. There certainly was no consistency as to why it was occurring. Some were happy in their relationships and had lots of sex with their partner, yet were seeking other partners to satisfy other needs which weren’t known at the time. Others had a brief affair when they realised that their relationship was over.

Others had been in an abusive relationship and this was a form of escape. Also quite a few women didn’t listen to their intuition which in itself was a great lesson to them.  Sometimes beginning in an affair was a wakeup call that the relationship was over.

WHAT’S THE ANSWER   

Communication, connection and adding variety to your sex life. Too many times I see people who are craving intimacy and connection, yet they have stopped communicating with their partner. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if  it didn’t have to get to that point. To be able to speak your truth about what is going on for you without judgment from your partner.  To be honest firstly with yourself and then your partner about everything. Not holding things back for assumed reasons. This would then make for a strong relationship that you can build on. Too many times things are not said. This occurs for many reasons, for example, you don’t want to upset the other person or get into a complicated discussion. And other times this occurs because you don’t want to be really honest with yourself or your partner. You don’t want to face the reality of what is really going on.  When this happens the barriers and walls are starting to go up even on an energetic level.

THE REALITY

These are the alarming statistics on infidelity:

• In 41% of marriages, one or both spouses admitted to infidelity, either physically or  emotionally.
• 57% of men admitted to committing infidelity in a relationship they’ve had.
• 54% of women admitted to committing infidelity in a relationship they’ve had.

THE SOLUTION

Let’s face it, the majority of us didn’t receive much of an education on relationships, let alone how to be a good partner and lover and most people have just muddled their way along.

If you don’t want to fall into the ‘muddled’ category then don’t allow your relationship to just drift along. Instead, take action and become proactive. Learn new skills in communicating, intimacy and how you can become an even better lover.

Pauline Ryland works as an intimacy and  sexuality coach, educator and healer and draws on a variety of techniques. She combines working with two different styles of NLP to create change on an unconscious level/and or work with the body drawing on a myriad of healing techniques using energy to promote sexual healing and awakening. Pauline also teaches and educates on how to raise your sexual energy (libido) and interest as well as teaching a variety of Tantric and Shamanic principles including breath work. People who see Pauline are either having challenges with intimacy, sex or their sexuality or are wanting more out of their sexual experiences. She also teach couples how to connect into each more on a deeper level.