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Encouraging Your Over 50’s Partner to be More Sexually Active

17340803401_e5bfdef99c_bPhoto credit: Love in Winter via photopin (license)

Pauline Ryeland – Intimacy Whisperer and Somatic Sexological Body Worker

I’m over 50, and my partner doesn’t want to have sex how can I encourage them to be more active?

People stop wanting to have sex for a myriad of reasons. These reasons will also be different for men and women. So it’s a hard question to answer without all the facts.
Nagging at your partner or constantly bringing it up is not going to change the situation. You have to really look at the whole picture of what is going on and why.


Firstly, you need to workout if your relationship is heading in the right direction. This can be done by asking several questions, such as:

• Are you happy?
• Do you feel your partner is happy?
• Are there any are emotional problems?
• Does your partner want to be in the relationship?
• Has there been a stressful situation prior to them not wanting sex?
• Do you actually engage with your partner in general?
• Is there good communication?
• Is there any form of intimacy?


If there is no communication, then the intimacy will not build. Without communication and intimacy, the desire for sex will diminish. There are many reasons why libido falls and interest in sex diminishes. Ask yourself if a decreased libido is due to:

• Health?
• Depression?
• Medications?
• Menopause?
• Lack of exercise?
• Erectile problems?
• Surgery?
• Painful sex?


As you can see, there are a lot of things to consider as to why someone is not interested in sex. The best place to start is by having an open conversation with them. Discuss how you feel about not engaging sexually anymore, how it makes you feel. Never put any blame on your partner or finger point as that’s the fastest way for your partner to shut down.

You can also consider making more of an effort on your part. Be helpful, do more for them and allow them to feel cared for. Thank them for the activities they do and don’t take them for granted. Instead, compliment them and make them feel more loved.

It’s easy to dress sexier or nicer. Make suggestive comments. Get creative to encourage them to become sexually active. However, if there are underlying problems, then these activities may be somewhat futile. In my experience as a practitioner, it is usually one, or a combination of reasons, like those above, which contribute to a partner not wanting sex.

At the end of the day, if one of you in the relationship is not interested in sex and the other person is, you are faced with a problem. One that needs to be resolved. As while there are a number of aspects that contribute to a successful relationship that will grow and evolve over time, sex is very much a part of that contribution.

Pauline RyelandPauline Ryland is an Intimacy Whisperer and a certified Somatic Sexological Body Worker, Tantra Teacher and Facilitator, and a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Plus, she’s also an Advanced Subconscious Reprogramming and Errikson Hypnotherapist, as well as a Results Coach & Performance Consultant.

Pauline sees men, women, singles or couples who are experiencing challenges in any areas to do with intimacy and sex, along with relationships and everything in between. She has been working as an Intimacy and Sex Coach, and a Sexual Educator for approximately 5-years.

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Disclaimer: The author’s professional and personal knowledge, and opinion, form the basis of this column. This information and opinion are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment of any manner. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition and consult a qualified medical professional before beginning any nutritional program or exercise program. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on InShape News.


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