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Increasing Your Libido

INSHAPE NEWS SEXPERT

Catlin Grace – Wellbeing Coach and Intimate Relationship Whisperer

Libido is a fickle beast. It ebbs and flows throughout our lives due to many factors. Some can be simple things like lack of sleep due to young children or time pressures. Some can be hormonal or emotional. The very fact that you want to increase your libido shows that you are ready to take steps to improve your levels of desire.

Maca is a great natural product that you can use to start boosting your libido, and the great thing is that it works for males and females.  Maca is a root that is grown in the Andes and has been used for years as a libido booster and also for boosting stamina and energy levels. It works by stimulating bringing the hormone levels back into balance while also supporting the adrenal glands, providing the B group vitamins as well as a good amount of  potassium and calcium.

Caitlin Grace has been in the alternative therapy field for all of her adult life, most recently practising EFT. She is an accredited journey therapist, Reiki level 3, and an EFT practitioner. Caitlin’s driving passion is to help people live their best lives through empowering them to take charge of their own wellbeing. She is a strong advocate of the mind body connection and believes we can only be truly well when we have let go of our underlying limiting beliefs.

Caitlin has been married and divorced and has been in her current relationship for twenty years.  She has three sons, four step daughters and nine grandchildren. Caitlin is a self-proclaimed ‘Sex Goddess’ and empowers other women to become the same.

Tanya Koens – Sexologist and Passionate Advocator of Positive Sexual Relationships

This is one of the most common requests I get in my practice … or how can I increase my partner’s libido! It’s never cut and dried as male and female differences in desire.

Libido is impacted by many things, such as what’s happening in the relationship, medication, depression, anxiety, stress, sexuality, sexual satisfaction, self esteem and many more. There really is no “one fits all” solution, but there are some things that you can do to remove any roadblocks that may be there, or to understand why your libido may be flagging for good reason.

My top tips are:
1. Make sure your include some exercise in your weekly routine, a healthy diet and adequate sleep. When these things are out of whack they contribute to libido problems.

2. Take the pulse of your relationship. If you are fighting all the time, or worse, speaking to each other contemptuously — that’s not very sexy. How you treat each other in daily life can have a direct impact in the bedroom. A good balance when communicating with your partner is to say five good things for everyone one bad thing.

3. How many of us take the time to say nice things to our partner? These simple things keep the sexual home fires burning.

4. Make time to connect with your partner. Foreplay starts with “how was your day?” It is essential to keep the connection between you going and not lose it in a million domestic, family or work responsibilities … make time for the lovers.

5. Women’s libido is 75% contextual — what’s going on around them. If the dog just threw up on the carpet, the dinner is boiling over and the bills are not paid, the chances are she is not going to be feeling very sexy. Ladies, take time to be calm and to step out of the flurry of the day. Take time to relax and to invite sexual feelings and energy from both yourself and your partner.

6. Make time in your week for intimate activities or time together. This is not scheduling sex. I like to call it “planning to be spontaneous.” Things like taking a bath together or having naked TV nights. Activities that you would only do with each other, no one else. They may translate into sex, they may not, but they are connective and they contribute towards keeping the simmer in your relationship.

The most important thing to remember is that your intimate relationship, like the rest of your relationship, requires work and investment. When you do that, the dividends are worth the effort!

Tanya Koens is a well-known and regarded sexologist who runs Surry Hills Therapy, a busy practice in Sydney’s Surry Hills. With postgraduate qualifications in counselling and sexual health, Tanya is a passionate advocator of positive sexuality and relationships. Tanya’s empathic, non-judgemental ways enable her to connect warmly with people and help them with relationship and sexual issues. Tanya sees clients, runs supervision groups/sessions and helps train professions on how to talk about sex with their clients.

Pauline Ryeland – Intimacy and Sexual Coach, Educator and Healer

One of my absolute passions is teaching how to raise the libido.

Your sexual energy is your life-force and when it is not fully activated it can effect you in all areas of your life. This includes health, emotional wellbeing, relationships, intimacy, work and finances. There are many things that can effect our libido including medications, hormones, stress, and sleep deprivation as well as physical and emotional challenges we may be experiencing.

It’s important to feed our body the right foods and have a healthy diet as well as introducing supplements that can improve your energy and libido such as macca and spirilina. This is attributed to the fact that we are often depleted so it’s really time to get back to nurturing yourself. This can be achieved by connecting to your heart through mediation and by exploring your own body through regular self pleasuring. The other key ingredient is learning to breathe to open up the energy centres (chakras) in the body to allow the energy to flow through. This combined with specific exercises makes a huge difference. These last two practices actually teaches you to awaken your body.

Pauline Ryland works as an intimacy and  sexuality coach, educator and healer and draws on a variety of techniques. She combines working with two different styles of NLP to create change on an unconscious level/and or work with the body drawing on a myriad of healing techniques using energy to promote sexual healing and awakening. Pauline also teaches and educates on how to raise your sexual energy (libido) and interest as well as teaching a variety of Tantric and Shamanic principles including breath work. People who see Pauline are either having challenges with intimacy, sex or their sexuality or are wanting more out of their sexual experiences. She also teach couples how to connect into each more on a deeper level.

Isiah-Rebecca McKimmie – Sex and Relationship Coach and Owner of Passionate Spirit.

Maintaining a high libido and a good sex life is a bit like maintaining a garden. There isn’t a one size fits all, you have to pay attention to the conditions and give it time and a little bit of TLC.

Before embarking on a journey to boost your libido, it’s best to ask yourself why  you want to increase it, and why you don’t want sex right now?For each woman the answer will be different.  Your answer might be different tomorrow than it is today, so it’s important to find out what’s actually at the bottom of it.  If you don’t work this out then all the Horny Goat Weed and Kegel exercises in the world aren’t going to get you in the mood.

To help you to determine why you have a low libido there are three main areas to look at, these are as follows:

 Check to see which one or combinations you need to work on.

 1. The Relationship

If you don’t feel ‘connected’ to your partner, you’re unlikely to want sex with him.  Make sure that you’re spending adequate time together and keeping the romance alive as well.

In general, women need to feel loved and supported in order to want sex, unlike men who want sex to feel loved and supported.  Are you spending time together each day talking?  Are you physically affectionate without it leading to sex?  Regular affection — cuddles, text messages, kissing — can help you feel more connected and attracted to your partner, thus boosting your desire for sex.

Instead of watching TV together at night time, swap a massage or talk together about your day.

2. You

How you feel about yourself plays a big role in your sexual desire.  Your health is included in this too.

Learn to love your body.  When we don’t feel very good about our bodies, it’s really hard to want someone else to see it naked. Try to appreciate your body for the beautiful and unique creation it is.  Ask your partner what he likes about your body too.

Make sure you’re taking care of yourself — eating well, sleeping enough and getting regular exercise.  If you’re feeling tired, stressed or run down, your libido is going to reflect that by being run down too. Women are great at making sure everyone around them is taken care of, but make sure you’re getting enough ‘you time’ — without kids, work or hubby to worry about. You might also want to think about getting a good multi-vitamin or herbal supplement.

3. Sex itself

Okay here’s the thing, if you don’t enjoy sex, you’re not going to want to do it any more often.  Make sure the sex you are having is enjoyable.

Don’t be scared to ask for what you want.  Most guys actually say they’d prefer more instruction when it comes to sex. He really wants to please you, so let him know how.

If you don’t like what your partner is doing, let him know gently what you would like instead.  Try something like “Baby, I love your touch.  What I would really like right now is…”

Doing Kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic muscles can also help you have mind-blowing orgasms. Men can also do Kegel exercises.

A low libido can also be caused by early trauma around sex or sexual abuse.  If these issues affect you, seek professional support.

Like a garden, once your sex life is established again, it will be easier to maintain, and the rewards will be worth it. A healthy sex life has been proven to improve your physical and emotional wellbeing

Isiah-Rebecca McKimmie is a certified Somatic sex therapist and studied at the Institute for the Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality in the US.  She has additional qualifications in Gestalt psychotherapy and Tantra.  Isiah has now been helping people improve their sex lives and relationships for over five years including working previously as a sex surrogate alongside top psychologists.  Isiah owns Passionate Spirit, a world-wide coaching organisation that inspires love and passion through great sex and better relationships.  Passionate Spirit provides education, practical skills and compassionate support to help people develop self-confidence, more fulfilling sex lives and truly intimate relationships.

Paradise – Sexual Healer and Mentor

Increasing your libido isn’t just about the physical it’s also about the mental. Did you know women think and talk about sex more than men do? The difference is we are so preoccupied with everything else in life. We tend to have a fleeting thought and then forget it and get back to being a woman multi-tasking.

Men are ‘sexually focused’. They don’t push a sexual thought to the back of the mind within a second of having it. They will ponder it, think about it over and over sometimes several times in the day. They will pay more attention and focus on those things that turn them on, and look towards acting on it and gaining pleasure from it. As a woman, you need to learn to do that and become a little more ‘sexually selfish’.

As a woman, our libido fluctuates depending on so many things happening in our life that it’s often hard to pin-point the problem to one thing. The usual things such as stress or medications, diet and environment are the obvious, so let’s think about something simple we can all do to increase our libido.

Its time you regained your libido and have a fun and exciting sex life. If something catches your eye and you have any thoughts that could be construed as sexual, then use it and build on it. For example, you see a cute guy on your lunch break, admire his bum. Then think about what he would look like without his pants on, without the shirt, and so on and so forth. Enjoy the thought and have a selfish moment and consider where the thoughts could lead to. Have fun with it. Take your mini fantasy where ever you want it to go. Of course, you have to get on with your day, but you can think about it on and off when you have a moment. Other people do. So, why shouldn’t you? Build on it and act on it and the more often you practice and do it, the more you libido will increase without medication or other means of help, other than your own mind.

Other things you can do:

1. Make a sexual bucket list. This list can be anything you want it to be. You can make several bucket lists and categorize it if you want to.
Depending on how much you want to increase your libido, you can set goals like crossing off one thing from your list each week. When you make a list, put them in order from easiest to hardest and from most important to least important. This is your list. It will tantalize your sexual taste buds. So, have fun with it.

2. Treat yourself to some toys . A lot of women have sex toys and there is a toy for almost everything you can imagine. Set yourself a goal to buy a new toy once a month or every three months depending on your need and income. Spend time between purchases researching toys and seeing what is out there. You can go into a shop or buy online. Once you have made a purchase, spend two to three days just looking at it and thinking about all the different things and ways you can use it. There is always several ways a toy can be used, you are only limited by your imagination. Just remember to play safe.

3. Set aside some time for you. You are important and a healthy sex life is also important. Be it solo play or with a partner, the endorphins and
chemical reactions in the mind and body that is released from sexual pleasure will put that bounce back into your step and you will be grinning from ear-to-ear when your mojo comes back.

Take control. Remeber it’s Your Libido, Your Life. It’s all about You.

After divorce from a 13-year marriage that was sexually boring, Paradise embarked on a journey to explore her sexuality and personal development. Leaping into the alternative lifestyle as a mistress and working professionally for a period of time with BDSM, fetishes, kinks, and everything in between, Paradise moved into the Gorean Lifestyle and learnt about the differences between men and women’s natural desires and how their interaction also affects them sexually. Paradise continues to have a mistress/slave relationship that has been ongoing for over a decade and has taken the submissive role in other relationships. Having worked in the adult industry, Paradise has mentored couples on all levels from relationships to sexual desires through to conversation as well as private sessions with couples having hands on experience within a safe learning environment with mentoring guidance.

Melissa Cooper – The Intimacy Specialist

There are several ways to increase one’s libido, but firstly I recommend you go to your GP and have a complete hormone test to make sure that your levels are healthy, particularly Testosterone.

When you have your tests back, and depending on the results, there are natural remedies you can treat low libido with. One in particular is a herb called Horny Goat Weed. There are several products available that increase sex drive without any side effects. Diet and exercise are important, because these make us feel good and release seretonin naturally in the body, which increases our desire for sex. If there is an imbalance in your hormone levels, please ask for a referral to an immunologist who specialises in
hormone treatment to get the best results.

Melissa Cooper is affectionately known as the Intimacy Specialist. She owns The Art Of Intimacy, a consulting company that went on to help transform the lives of couples nationally and built her reputation as a leader in her field. Melissa offers ground breaking programs in couples and individual counselling and coaching, that exemplify the importance and value of love and intimacy in our day-to-day lives. Melissa specialises in results based therapy, culminating in over 20-years experience, empowering individuals and couples and providing effective tools beyond anything ever experienced.

Disclaimer: The author’s own professional and personal knowledge, and opinion form the basis of this column. This information and opinion are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment of any manner. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition and consult a qualified medical professional before beginning any nutritional program or exercise program. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on InShape News.

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