REAL LOVE Part 2: Conditional vs. Unconditional Love

By Columnist Camille Lucy – Certified Holistic Health Coach & Reiki Practitioner:

Photo Credit: Ahmed Ibn-Lahoucine, 2010: Love –

There is a huge difference between conditional and unconditional love, though perpetrators of conditional love will have you think they are one in the same. That’s because we (the perps!) use what we believe to be “love” to manipulate and control.

However, that is not really love we are using; it’s simply a guise for underlying fear that we wrap up in a pretty bow and label “love.” With that being said, the two types – conditional and unconditional – could very well be worlds apart, even galaxies apart. And there are some very apparent identifiable distinctions.

How many times have you heard someone say (or have you thought yourself), “If he loved me, he would do A, B and C!” or “She must not love me, because she didn’t do X, Y, Z.” 

Love is confused and becomes muddled. We give it meaning, assign parameters on it, envision it a very specific way and that’s how we judge it from that point forward. “It is not love unless……(insert conditions here).” 

As with most things in life, measuring and comparing gets you nowhere fast. Nowhere healthy and meaningful and sustainable, anyway.

What is Conditional Love?

So, conditional love is just that: setting conditions upon love, which by its nature cannot be measured or contained in a pretty little box. Conditional love is judging based on certain criteria, guidelines and specific rules or limitations. Love – and the person you are loving – become prey to your ego and conditions. Things are only good when the conditions are met. If they are not met or exceeded, “love” changes and so do your feelings for that person. You may punish, argue, withhold your own “love” and affection, or respond with any number of tactics to let the person know that you are disappointed and not pleased. Conditional love ends up feeling not so great. This is one of the main alarm bells that goes off to signal that real love is not present.

What is Unconditional Love?

Unconditional love is real and true. It knows no boundaries and does not change because of anything external. It’s fluid, ever-evolving and feels so good. Unconditional love knows no fear. It is giving without expectation of receiving. It’s grateful and does not participate in any negative emotions or feelings or actions. Unconditional love treats others as a gift to cherish.

Understanding the Two Loves

It’s pretty simple: If you are feeling something negative (emotion, feeling, thought, action, etc.), the root is fear. Where there is fear, love is lacking. If you are feeling positive and light, the root is love.

Not feeling good is conditional love (what can I get from this?).

Unconditional love (what can I give or share?) feels great.

It may be beneficial to reflect a while on how you are giving and receiving both types of “love” in your life. Remember both kinds as you journey through the rest of the chapters in this book.

Next Month’s Article & the Series

Next month I’ll cover “Relationships as Mirrors.”

In this 11-part series, you will learn about (real) Love and what it means. I will discuss how relationships are the backbone of our existence, how we can utilise them for the unique opportunity to see parts of ourselves needing to be healed, and how loving ourselves is the greatest gift we can give and receive. I will also touch on behaviour patterns such as fear, omissions, trigger buttons and desires tie into our relationships and ultimately the quality of our lives. Lastly, I will then conclude the series with the ‘Top 5 Ways to Truly Love Someone (and Yourself).’

At the end of the 11-part series, you should have a better understanding of the inner workings of your mind, heart and soul. You should also begin to feel more joy, love and fulfilment both in your relationships and your life in general.

About Our Reiki News and Review Columnist – Camille Lucy

Camille Lucy is a Certified Holistic Health Coach, Certified Reiki & Raindrop Technique Practitioner, Ordained Holistic Minister, graphic and web designer, business consultant, and Vice President of a local non-profit that “rehabilitates people through animals.” She is also a writer, a Mother of 3-girls, an artist, a Life-and-Love Junkie, a Self-Expression and Development advocate, and – well, you get the point. She’s a lot of things, just like all of us. Camille is also author of, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & The Self.” Learn more about her and her adventure(s) at www.CamilleLucy.com or on social media at @LiveFullToday.

Disclaimer: The information published in this column is the author’s professional opinion, and based on their knowledge. This information and opinion are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment in any way. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have about any medical condition and consult a qualified medical professional before beginning any nutritional program or exercise program. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on InShape News.

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