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REAL LOVE Part 6: You Will Be Tested


By Columnist Camille Lucy – Certified Holistic Health Coach & Reiki Practitioner:

We are tested in life not just in love
Photo Credit: Hamza ButtLove is tested daily, 2017

I once picked up a book about love. Though I didn’t really agree with some of the content, language used, or tone presented, I did get through about two chapters. Maybe if I stuck with it, it would have gotten better. For that, I owe the book an apology: I’ll pick you up, again, one day and give you another shot. We all deserve another chance. And often times, our minds play tricks on us.

I attended the Landmark Forum in New York City, New York many years ago. The teacher said, pay attention to when your mind wanders. Sometimes what you are ignoring or find boring is in fact just what you need to learn.

[Side note to you, the reader: I do hope that you enjoy these posts and that they make you think and question and re-evaluate your life and relationships. But if you dislike them, that’s just as well. Not every author speaks to every reader. I am grateful for whatever reach I have with whomever these passages speak to.]

Riding the Wave of Life

One of the concepts I read about was that we are tested when we seek out love and intimate relationships. This was something that really resonated with me. For starters, it just made sense. We are not just tested in love, we are tested all the time in many areas of our lives. I always knew that once I committed to something, I would be tested for sure. Life would throw things at me from every angle, to see just how committed I was. Time and again, I would have to remain firm and strong, in order to ride the wave and pass the test. Eventually, I would withstand the winds and come out victorious. Then, calmer seas would find their way out from under the crashing waves, and I would begin the maintenance process. Sustaining a new way of being, for example.

Once you commit to a process or a new way of thinking – anything new really – you may find that things just start happening. Difficulties arise at every turn. It seems as though life just doesn’t want you to commit to this process, or that you maybe shouldn’t think this new way because here’s proof of why the old way was better and easier. This is when most people throw in the towel and return to comfort (cue all those lost and forgotten New Year’s resolutions). But for those that are courageous and determined, as they pass each test that comes their way, they get closer and closer to the end goal.

The Weight Loss Test

Let’s talk about losing weight. You’re so excited about your new diet and exercise regimen. You are committed, dammit! You go to the gym, you eat great foods. All is well for a while. But slowly, as the weeks pass, things come up. Parties with junk food. Your car breaks down. You have to work late. You’re tired. You’re hungry. You find more and more reasons to give up the diet and exercise and your mind begins to play tricks on you. One piece of cake isn’t that bad (it’s not). One piece of cake a day won’t hurt you. And maybe a fork-full at night, too. You just won’t tell anybody (as if that makes a difference). You can hit the gym tomorrow. Better yet, you’ll start, again, Monday. Fresh new week. But as you give in to these little temptations, you are gradually giving up your commitment to health and well-being. You are lacking the inspiration and motivation to want more for yourself. And worst of all, you feel bad. And guilty. And feeling bad and guilty throws you off the path.

On the other hand, those that are truly dedicated to their cause would find something healthy to eat at the party or bring something. They could eat before, or after. They would work out at home if they couldn’t get to the gym. They would build their lives around their desires and make sure it happened, no matter what came up along the way. And they’d forgive themselves for their discrepancies.

Jim Rohn

I read a fabulous quote by Jim Rohn, and it really stuck with me, “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” This could not be any truer. If that diet and exercise regimen was important to you, if feeling good was your priority, you would have found a way to make it work. We can make a million excuses as to why we cannot do something or sustain something. But at the end of the day, those that are determined and have laser-focus are successful at attaining their desires. True commitment finds a way.

Tests in Life

I could find evidence of these tests in both my relationships and in stories others had shared with me. These tests, so to speak, are tricky. And we can easily misunderstand, misdiagnose and ultimately walk away from people or situations because of them. Some will say that if that’s the case, it was meant to be that way. But, I find that what’s truer is that sometimes the tests appear to be signs. And we just don’t know how to read it all. Passing the test is simple, once we know what is really happening.

I’ll use the example of a dear friend of mine. Her story mimics mine in many ways. We were chatting one day, sharing and reflecting. She told me that when she met her current boyfriend, it seemed like the worst possible timing for her. She was in the middle of a separation leading to a divorce. She really didn’t have any space for a new relationship. Because the timing seemed to be so awful, she thought that it “must not be.” She took her current situation as a “sign” that this man she met was probably just a fly-by-night and not good for her. After all, why would she be sent someone at the most non-conducive time? Shortly after, she went to an energy healer for a session. The practitioner told her to “just trust in the divinity.” She decided to heed the advice of this spiritual woman and left the office that day a little lighter and brighter.

Shortly thereafter, she realized that it was not the worst time for this new relationship, it was the best time. And the best thing for her. But, she had to stay strong in the beginning and live through some challenges, as a testimony to her commitment to wanting more than the stale marriage she had left. Even though she was afraid and slightly jaded, she remembered the words the energy healer spoke that one day, a day that changed the course of her life for the rest of her life. Just trust in the divinity. There are no coincidences.

It would have been really easy for my friend to say, “Forget this, it’s too much. It must be wrong. There are too many obstacles in the way.” After all, she was convinced there were signs of running in the opposite direction of this man…and to keep running. Instead, she chose to give real love a shot. She accepted all of the roadblocks, thereby committing to her choice to love and be loved. And guess what? A few years later, they got married and moved into their dream home together. You need to be willing to show up in your life if you wish to manifest that which you desire.

You Make the Decisions

Whether you arrive with your bells on, or you pull the covers back up over your head, that is your decision to make. But it is these defining moments and factors and choices that determine which way your life will go. Whether you will recycle yourself back into the old grind, bound to repeat lessons you have closed your eyes to thus far, or you will move forward into a new realm of possibility. Your actions will prove whether or not you are, in fact, wanting something and more importantly, are ready and willing to go for it.

On my own journey, while being tested, I began to peel away the layers of what I was feeling, and understand my own fear-based perception. It was then that it occurred to me that what I had asked for did, in fact, show up. I had asked for it many times over. It just hadn’t come in the package I was expecting (and this happens, a lot, too – be open for surprises!). I was too blind and consumed by my own bubble of madness to notice it right in front of me. But, but, but… then the excuses. The challenges. I had to let them go, one by one, and fully commit to my process.

My 90-Day Experiment

During my 90-day experiment that is chronicled in my book, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & the Self,” many roadblocks cropped up. I was tested, for sure. But I never wavered in my commitment and dedication to the adventure of real and unconditional love.

Had I believed that snickering voice in my head that told me to run from the challenges, I would never be where I am right now. I wouldn’t be writing this to you. But, my life was orchestrated in such a way that trusting what showed up, and staying the course, was integral to my personal path and journey through life. Now, I see it was a sign… but not a temptation to overcome. I was sent a sign of peace and love and all things divine. I was sent an, “everything is going to be all right. You are on the right track.” I was sent what I wished for, at what seemed to be the worst possible time, to see how much I really did want it. After a little coaxing me out of my hiding spot, I was able to confidently accept the challenge. The divine is never mistaken. We may misunderstand its messages and signs and symbols, or its intent, but everything happens just as it is supposed to. In the right timing, the right order, the right place and with the right people. In hindsight, I see how perfect all of the events were that lead up to today. And the challenges were exactly what I needed to heal, to open myself up, to push me to not give up and most of all, to catapult me into my purpose and passion(s).

Something that appeared to be a very, very bad thing turned out to be the very best thing that had ever happened to me (Insert parental guilt: the best thing aside from my children, that is!). There are no words to describe the level of love I have now experienced, the pure joy and ecstasy, the liberation of my soul, and the gratitude I feel about it all. Especially this journey. I thought I loved life beforehand. Now, there are just no words for it all. What a miracle.

By Day 25 of my 90-day experiment, I no longer “hoped” for anything. I knew with every fiber of my being that everything happens as it is supposed to. It’s funny, because I have heard all the spiritual teachers say to be careful what you wish for because it’s going to show up, but it may be in a totally different form than you imagined and so much more than you thought possible. People often expect things to show up in an exact way, what their head pictures, but rarely is this the case. Many blessings and opportunities are forfeited because they are not recognized by narrow vision. And our manifestations are limited by our visions.

Life Challenges

Challenges (or opportunities for learning and growth) that go along with our desires are simply there to make sure we are ready and really want what we have asked for. We are all instruments of the divine, the possibilities within us are endless. Putting expectations aside, we allow ourselves room to really experience these miracles as they unfold.

Will the road to unconditional love and personal growth be easy? Sure, sometimes. Real love and transformation are effortless. But, life is unpredictable. And we cannot control that which is outside of ourselves. We will most certainly hit bump after bump. Especially when we are trying to manifest and attract our desires. That’s how we learn and grow. This is how we train ourselves to respond differently, to shift our perception. The reward of staying put and not giving up is so much greater than the discomfort the tests (and expansion) will bring you. And I can assure you, your life will never be the same, again.

(Real) Love and Being Tested

When you commit to bringing unconditional love into your life, or dedicate yourself to growing and expanding into a higher version of yourself, I am positive that you will begin to face some challenges or discomforts. These will be your tests. They are brought into your life as a roadmap. You can choose to stand strong and use these obstacles to shift your energy into alignment with your desires…or you can use them as an excuse to give up and return to “comfort.” You’ve got to really want something. And wanting isn’t even enough. You have to be willing to take the action that brings you closer to your end-goal. Change can be difficult, and for this reason, the tests that present themselves will push all your trigger buttons. You’ll seem to have a million reasons to throw in the towel. But there will be one very strong reason not to: attaining the life you desire.

Lovercise (Excercise) 

Reflect on all of your desires. As you do so, ask yourself these questions:

  1. What is it that I want to attract into my life? Is it unconditional love, or self-growth and development? Who do you wish to become, and what parts of yourself do you wish to leave behind or outgrow?
  2. What will life be like once you attain your desires? How does it feel?
  3. What will life be like if you stay as is? Is this comfortable for you? What will you need to give up in order to stay safe? 
  4. What can you do to stay motivated and strong in the face of adversity and the many tests that may crop up along the way? Can you steady yourself on a vision of how the end-result feels and what that means to you and for your life? 

Remember why you desire what you do. Focus on the rewards. Start out with the end in mind, and move forward knowing that you both deserve this (your desires) and can accomplish this. You will accomplish this. We already are all that we wish to become, just unrealized. We are in bloom. Remember this as you take baby steps in the direction of your dreams. And open yourself up to receiving miracles, all that you yearn for.

Next month I’ll cover “The Big Fat “F” (Fear)”

In this 11-part series, I have taken excerpts and information from my book, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & The Self,” to teach about (real) Love and what it means. I will discuss how relationships are the backbone of our existence, how we can utilize them for the unique opportunity to see parts of ourselves needing to be healed, and how loving ourselves is the greatest gift we can give and receive. I will also discuss how behavior patterns such as fear, omissions, trigger buttons and desires tie into our relationships and ultimately the quality of our lives. I will then conclude with the ‘Top 5 Ways to Truly Love Someone (and Yourself).’ At the end of the 11-part series, you should have a better understanding of the inner workings of your mind, heart, and soul and should begin to feel more joy, love and fulfillment both in your relationships and your life in general.

About Our Reiki News and Review Columnist – Camille Lucy

Camille LucyCamille Lucy is a Certified Holistic Health Coach, Certified Reiki & Raindrop Technique Practitioner, Ordained Holistic Minister, graphic and web designer, business consultant, and Vice President of a local non-profit that “rehabilitates people through animals.” She is also a writer, a Mother of 3-girls, an artist, a Life-and-Love Junkie, a Self-Expression and Development advocate, and – well, you get the point. She’s a lot of things, just like all of us. Camille is also author of, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & The Self.” Learn more about her and her adventure(s) at www.CamilleLucy.com or on social media at @LiveFullToday.

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Disclaimer: The information published in this column is the author’s professional opinion, and based on their knowledge. This information and opinion are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment in any way. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have about any medical condition and consult a qualified medical professional before beginning any nutritional program or exercise program. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on InShape News.

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