REAL LOVE Part 5: The Danger in Omissions

By Columnist Camille Lucy – Certified Holistic Health Coach & Reiki Practitioner:

 

Photo Credit: Pia Kristine, 2010: Love –

Ask yourself: Why do we censor what we tell people? Why do we take things personal? Why are we self-conscious?

Omissions may seem harmless, but this is how we begin to lose ourselves and our authenticity in a relationship. Tiny omissions are the start of a bigger disconnect. Our authenticity (and confidence) is compromised, along with openness and transparency, as we develop fears. The fear could be of rejection, abandonment, of losing another person, of feeling inferior or small or judged. No matter the reason, these omissions create a mask, piece by piece, for us. They begin to paint a picture of who we want to be seen as, or feel safe being seen as, not the whole truth of who we are. Smoke and mirrors. We are betraying the other person but most importantly, we are betraying ourselves. We can never be whole when we are disconnecting from a very real part of ourselves.

Austin O’Malley Said

Austin O’Malley said, “Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.” These tiny subtleties, so woven into human nature, ultimately destroy relationships. Though mostly innocent and seemingly harmless, neglecting to be true to yourself and putting that mask on creates bigger issues. This is the very first step taken into a downward spiral. You can liken omissions and masks to marijuana: a gateway to bigger and “harder” or worse things. And they may very well be the beginning of the end. These small actions (or inactions) taken out of fear – and lacking love – all add up and together, create a rift between people. The great divide leads to a loss of self and an absence of understanding of one another. The whole picture isn’t being seen. With missing information, how can two people relate and build a solid footing? How can there be understanding of one another?

False Pretentions

If we pay close attention, relationships are a priceless chance to learn about ourselves in a big (real) way. When we allow ourselves to really feel into our fears, we can begin to release them and this will keep us on track and keep our ego in check. After all, it is our true self that the other person wants. Not some photoshopped version that looks pretty. And why on earth would we want someone in our life because of false presentations? It’s an awfully tiring job trying to be someone we are not and maintain that for the sake of salvaging some personal company. Wouldn’t you rather find and pluck the weeds right away, instead of coming to the realisation years later that this person isn’t right for you? I am sure you’ve heard it before, but the right people will love us for who we are, baggage and quirks and all. And they will be beside us helping us become all we are meant to be.

A Beautiful Quote

I read a beautiful quote recently. I couldn’t find the author to credit, but want to share it with you: Everyone that you meet comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 

Real Love Sees All

Real love sees us and accepts us for all that we are. That is why it is so important to love ourselves unconditionally. If we cannot love ourselves, we will tolerate being treated in ways that are less than what we deserve. We are then at risk of falling into the traps of conditional love, allowing fear to dictate our relationships. Not to mention that one day, when we get fed up of carrying our masks with us, and our costumes become too heavy, and we finally reveal who we really are, the people in our lives can feel deceived and confused. And rightfully so.

Finding a Fulling Relationship

If you want a real shot at fulfilling relationships – and a fulfilling life – you’ve got to give it your all. And that includes showing all of who you really are, being upfront about what you really want and not bending your “non-negotiables” even temporarily.

We cannot change the past and the choices we have already made. And many times, we need to experience life and all of its challenges to grow. But with each new relationship (in each moment, really), we have the gift of choice. We can decide to remain authentic to ourselves and honest with the people in our life from the onset.

Stephen Arterburn

Stephen Arterburn said it simply, “We are as sick as our secrets.” It may not appear this way, but that which we bury inside and carry around affects us. We can brush it under the rug, ignore it, or justify it. But that doesn’t change the fact that we build our lives around our secrets. We do all we can to keep them hidden, to not risk their exposure. It can consume us and eat away at our brilliance. How can we shine if we are so busy pulling the light away from a very real part of ourselves? 

Acceptance

If the people in your circle can accept all of you, as you present yourself, you have the opportunity to grow closer. Both parties become more confident, and it gives you a chance to be brave. And that’s empowering. Living out of insecurities, on the other hand, pushes away and stifles real connections and you may as well crawl under a rock in a ball. Because no one is going to get to your core or reach you, anyway.  There are no long-term benefits of omissions.

Jimi Hendrix

Jimi Hendrix sang, “And so castles made of sand, melts into the sea eventually.” For a relationship to withstand time and all of the elements life throws at it, the foundation needs to be solid. A foundation built on falsities is much like the castle built of sand. Eventually, the sea (life) will swallow it up without a trace.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is acceptance. Acceptance of yourself, of others, of everything you really love. And it is trust. Trust that your real self will not be exploited, but instead welcomed with open arms. Trust that your real self is the path of least resistance and it won’t lead you astray. Omissions are fear-based, and therefore lacking love. If you desire unconditional love of any kind in your life, you’re going to have to be open for receiving. This means you’re also vulnerable because you are exposed. The reward far outweighs the risk…but, if you’re not ready, it’s just not going to happen. And that is okay. In divine time, we move into our own light.

If you’re willing to put down the mask and be brave today, a life awaits you, unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. Once we begin to act authentically and with intentions that are in alignment with our true selves, everything seamlessly falls together. Serendipitous events occur, people are brought into our lives through synchronicity. Doors open for us, and opportunities pop up left and right. Life becomes much more fun, requiring less tedious work holding our masks up, and it’s liberating. And that’s what we are going for, after all, isn’t it?

Lovercise – Healing Exercises

For 24 hours, commit to monitoring your thoughts, body signals and the words you choose to speak. Catch yourself when you are about to censor what you say to someone. If you slip and speak or act inauthentically, forgive yourself. Don’t dwell on it. The purpose of this exercise is not to feel bad, or self-punish, but to learn about yourself. The absolute best thing you can do is slip, forgive yourself, then, reflect on why you chose to speak or act inauthentically.

• Ask yourself these questions:
• Why did I question speaking or acting my truth? What is the underlying fear? 
• What “face” or mask am I putting on? What parts of me do I dislike or wish to hide? 
• Why am I afraid of presenting this side of myself? 
• Where did this embarrassment, shame or fear stem from? What story am I telling myself or what false belief do I have around this?
• How does this fear – or this “face” I put on – seemingly serve me? 
• What is the risk of speaking or acting authentically?
• What is the cost of remaining inauthentic and living from fear? 
• What is the benefit of living in alignment with my true self? 

It may behove you to keep a journal, recording the answers to your questions so you can reflect on them and look back at them at a later date. Additionally, a journal is a great place to keep a log of the things that come up for you as you commit to this journey of self-discovery and unconditional love. If, after 24 hours, you feel you would like to learn more and unravel the mysteries of your inner workings, please continue to do this exercise for as long as you see fit to accomplish your goal(s) of living true to yourself.

Next month I’ll cover “Being Tested.”

In this 11-part series, I have taken excerpts and information from my book, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & The Self,” to teach about (real) Love and what it means. I will discuss how relationships are the backbone of our existence, how we can utilise them for the unique opportunity to see parts of ourselves needing to be healed, and how loving ourselves is the greatest gift we can give and receive. I will also discuss how behaviour patterns such as fear, omissions, trigger buttons and desires tie into our relationships and ultimately the quality of our lives. I will then conclude with the ‘Top 5 Ways to Truly Love Someone (and Yourself).’ At the end of the 11-part series, you should have a better understanding of the inner workings of your mind, heart and soul and should begin to feel more joy, love and fulfilment both in your relationships and your life in general.

About Our Reiki News and Review Columnist – Camille Lucy

Camille Lucy is a Certified Holistic Health Coach, Certified Reiki & Raindrop Technique Practitioner, Ordained Holistic Minister, graphic and web designer, business consultant, and Vice President of a local non-profit that “rehabilitates people through animals.” She is also a writer, a Mother of 3-girls, an artist, a Life-and-Love Junkie, a Self-Expression and Development advocate, and – well, you get the point. She’s a lot of things, just like all of us. Camille is also author of, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & The Self.” Learn more about her and her adventure(s) at www.CamilleLucy.com or on social media at @LiveFullToday.

Disclaimer: The information published in this column is the author’s professional opinion, and based on their knowledge. This information and opinion are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment in any way. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have about any medical condition and consult a qualified medical professional before beginning any nutritional program or exercise program. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on InShape News.

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