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REAL LOVE Part 8: To Good To Be True

REIKI NEWS & REVIEW:

By Columnist Camille Lucy – Certified Holistic Health Coach & Reiki Practitioner:

Love
Photo Credit: H Guendra, 2015 Love

It was on Day 3 of my 90-day experiment (of digging deep within myself to uncover the secrets of real love) that I was epitomized by the actions of a full throttle yo-yo. It began with some drama surrounding my ex. Then, I reasoned with myself that there is good left to be had and that timing and synchronicity are on our side, before I slipped into a downward spiral of guilt and feeling bad.

My Journal Entry

Day 3: Drama. There is good. Timing, synchronicity. Feeling bad psychology. Help getting out of the muck. Crazy. Fog. Reminder of possibilities of what could be, but is this dangerous? Is it a setup? Is it too good to be true? Fall into the same trap. Fears that same would happen; empty promises not manifesting in real life (i.e. handling my life)

Self-Punishment

I did this very self-destructive “thing” – for lack of a better word – for many years after I left my marriage, and it looked like I was about to do it, again. It seems that I have this very powerful (and negative) ability to self-punish – if you recall, I was on the path to self-punishment by banishing myself to celibacy and life in the nunnery when I was met by fate with my new relationship. For years after I left my marriage, I was so consumed by guilt that I subconsciously felt I didn’t deserve to be happy…until my ex-husband was, anyway.

Contained Happiness

I kept my relationships quiet, and in a self-contained box. Though I wanted more, I was ashamed I broke my promise, “’til death do us part.” I went into marriage thinking it was forever. I wanted to recreate the happy-ever-after fairytale with the house, the kids, the yard and the iconic white picket fence. Abandoning my marriage and the person I committed myself to be had proved more emotional than I could handle. So, I made it my secret mission (even from myself) to make sure I wasn’t ever too happy.

Single Parenting Struggles

The struggles I faced raising a young child, working around the clock to pay for all the bills, and taking care of everything singlehandedly were a mere accrued-debt I willingly paid. I deserved it. Or at least that is what I convinced myself of. When my next relationship failed, I was relieved in a way. Not only because it was sorely unhealthy and unpleasant for the both of us by the time it ended, but because now I could be alone, again. And suffer quietly, like I should since I didn’t keep my word in marriage.

Toxic Mind Games

It was not until years later that I realized I had been participating in this very toxic mind-game with myself. And so here I was on Day 3 of my latest adventure, resurrecting this deluded mind-twist. I began to feel bad for the relationship that just ended. I had guilt that maybe he wasn’t happy and here I was, finding happiness in someone else. Oh, no… not okay. I must suffer, remember? Good ole’ self-punishment and guilt ready to become my BFF again, holding my hand, and dictating my next move.

The Re-Emerging Pattern

Intertwined within the guilt and pain I was self-imposing on myself was a fear that I would wind up exactly where I did when I left my marriage and the last relationship I had that just ended. Somehow, magically, the end days of both relationships looked very similar. I was picking up on a pattern. One that I did not want to repeat, again. So, as I began to remember the possibilities that lay before me, for love and for my life, I was met with my ego’s resistance.

Enter the Ego

Our ego’s job, if you’re not familiar, is to protect us. Or so it thinks it protects us. What it really does is discriminate information based on past events, emotions and feelings. New information is taken in, matched up with old information, and filed away and labelled. The ego has no place for love or limitless living. It only knows hard-facts (remember, facts are simply cases we build for or against something) and everything is compared to history.

One tiny similarity in a new experience and the ego is all over that like white on rice. Alarm bells go off. Ding! Ding! Ding! Nope… don’t do it, it’s too good to be true. What if you end up in the same place you have been before? You don’t want that. Stay single. It’s safe and comfortable and you can control it. Oh my, the ego loves “control.” Or its false sense of it, anyway.

So, there I was. Contemplating the goodness that was a possibility for me, the pure love that I knew in my heart existed. But my ego was so damn loud, screaming at me that this was not safe. I was, as I mentioned in my log, in a crazy fog that I couldn’t see out of. In my last failed relationship, I was made many promises of what would be. As a single working mother, my life was not one that, let’s say, a bachelor is used to.

The Long-Distance Relationship

It was a long-distance relationship and our weekends together were more like vacations for me. I didn’t work, I didn’t have my daughter with me, and time was spent however we wanted. I tried to explain that these one-and-a-half day trips were not reality. But, as with most things in life, until one experiences them firsthand, knowing and living things are two very different animals. So, as you have probably imagined, when he took the leap and moved to New York, our relationship took a beating. We were already having problems, and I had doubts about his move and the fate of our relationship. But, it happened. Just as it was supposed to.

Surfacing Problems

To make a long story short, he resented me for not taking spontaneous weekend-getaways and for working on the weekends. I was a mother first and worked on weekends and at night or when my daughter was at preschool. He just didn’t understand because he couldn’t relate. Shortly after, I became pregnant. And that just made matters worse. More responsibility, more time spent on things other than us and what he thought his “needs” or “wants” were from the relationship.

I had complications and life became very chaotic and rushed. By the time the baby was born, we couldn’t stand each other. There was so much resentment on both ends. My perception was that he was emotionally absent, and the countless promises of what would be, and how he would act, were nothing more than words. I heard my fair share of excuses and had to swallow an immeasurable pile of broken promises as I gasped for air to breathe, again. In hindsight, I know I had my hand in our demise but I just didn’t know any better at the time. And neither did he.  

You can imagine how I felt now. Not only did I have a daughter I was raising alone, but now I had two daughters, with two fathers. Yeah, a really pretty package for someone new to being open. Given that I was accustomed to not believing a word anyone said anymore, I seriously contemplated the transparency of the words I was being fed. “Sure you can handle it, buddy. That’s what he said, too.”

I wanted to believe him, though. And as time would prove, I could. But, at the time, in this crazy fog of confusion and despair, my ego lighting the way, I replayed the old adage over in my mind, “If it seems to good to be true, it must be.” I even contemplated his sanity. He’s nice…and seems “normal?” He must be a real psycho.

My Defence Mechanism

This is clearly a self-defence mechanism. And couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s just what we tell ourselves to protect our sensitive hearts. There are endless miracles in our lives that seem too good to be true but are true. We can always find reasons to justify something or its opposite. To prove a truth or dismantle a lie. This is why it is so important we are ready and open, receptive for miracles in our lives. We must be willing to desire more, and believe that we deserve it all, plus some. Remember, we see things as we are, not as they actually are. If we are expecting blessings to come, get ready… they’re on their way! In this way, life becomes much more like a dream than reality. The possibilities for our lives are limitless, and we can manifest greater things than we imagined possible.

Setting Fears Aside

I set my fears aside, sent my ego home with a dunce cap, and trusted in my journey. And what unfolded was both beautiful and very true. It was too good, yes. But it was real. It has been my greatest lesson in self-discovery, working past my old junk, and making space for abundance in my life and in my heart. I learned that everyone is different. We cannot define someone new by someone of the past.

Michael Straczynski

Michael Straczynski said, “For a lot of people, Superman is and has always been America’s hero. He stands for what we believe is the best within us: limitless strength tempered by compassion, that can bear adversity and emerge stronger on the other side. He stands for what we all feel we would like to be able to stand for when standing is hardest.” Be your own version of Superman. Your own hero. Inside of yourself is the ability to cultivate strength you didn’t even know you had, to be compassionate, encompassing love and to feel alive. To take challenges and turn them into positive learning experiences and opportunities for healing. Stand for your own authenticity and reach for your dreams and desires, no matter how hard that may seem. You’ve got the powers, Superman (and Superwoman!). Now use them.

(Real) Love & Doubts

Diminishing someone or something’s worth, out of self-protection, is the ego’s way of convincing you to stay comfortable and “safe.” The ego, the fear within us, does not want to take risks and it doesn’t want to find out what’s on the other side. It certainly does not want to find out if something is too good to be true because it cannot handle the repercussions of being blasted. If you wish to welcome unconditional love and passion into your life, to grow and explore and self-express, you’ve got to take that risk. You have to ride it out. If it ends up being too good to be true, and your suspicions were correct, so be it. I am sure you’ll learn a ton in the process. But, if it’s too good and it’s true, well…now you have both overcome your own demons and been gifted something beautiful.

LOVERCISE (Excercise) 

Focus on areas of your life when you expressed doubt as a way to protect yourself from disappointment, pain, etc. Often times this comes in disguises such as, “I know I won’t get that job,” or “He won’t like me, I am too fat.” We try to convince ourselves of why something won’t work, someone won’t like us, or why something is too good to be true. As you reflect on this, ask yourself these questions:

  1. In what ways are you using doubt and verbalizing negative thoughts or beliefs as a way to protect yourself?
  2. What are you protecting yourself from? What are you afraid of?
  3. If what we focus on becomes truth, what would happen if you allowed yourself to believe in your dreams and desires? 
  4. What is the worst thing that can happen if you stopped doubting and setting yourself up mentally for demise? 
  5. What is the best thing that can happen? 
  6. Would you rather be safe, or would you rather take the risk and go for the prize? 

Our Egos

Our egos act like Mothers. But, very overprotective, stifling ones. The kind that are all in your business, licking your hair to make sure it’s not standing up so you look presentable, and speaking for you when you’re asked a question. The kind that meddle, forcefully, because “they know best.” Maybe they mean well, but they put a ceiling on our growth, abilities and the level of abundance we are capable of receiving. You’ve got to hug your Mom (ego), thank her for looking out for you, then pack your bags. Hit the road solo. The open road. Where there are no limits to what your life may bring you. Where “too good to be true” simply doesn’t exist as part of your language anymore. Too good? Yep. And it’s true. Anything is possible and within our reach. All we have to do is believe and act in alignment with our intentions.

 

Next month I’ll cover “The Potential Vs. The Person”

In this 11-part series, I have taken excerpts and information from my book, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & The Self,” to teach about (real) Love and what it means. I will discuss how relationships are the backbone of our existence, how we can utilize them for the unique opportunity to see parts of ourselves needing to be healed, and how loving ourselves is the greatest gift we can give and receive. I will also discuss how behaviour patterns such as fear, omissions, trigger buttons and desires tie into our relationships and ultimately the quality of our lives. I will then conclude with the ‘Top 5 Ways to Truly Love Someone (and Yourself).’ At the end of the 11-part series, you should have a better understanding of the inner workings of your mind, heart and soul and should begin to feel more joy, love and fulfilment both in your relationships and your life in general.

About Our Reiki News and Review Columnist – Camille Lucy

Camille LucyCamille Lucy is a Certified Holistic Health Coach, Certified Reiki & Raindrop Technique Practitioner, Ordained Holistic Minister, graphic and web designer, business consultant, and Vice President of a local non-profit that “rehabilitates people through animals.” She is also a writer, a Mother of 3-girls, an artist, a Life-and-Love Junkie, a Self-Expression and Development advocate, and – well, you get the point. She’s a lot of things, just like all of us. Camille is also author of, “The (Real) Love Experiment: Explore Love, Relationships & The Self.” Learn more about her and her adventure(s) at www.CamilleLucy.com or on social media at @LiveFullToday.

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Disclaimer: The information published in this column is the author’s professional opinion, based on their knowledge. This information is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment in any way. Always seek the advice of your physician with any questions you may have about a medical condition. Also, always consult a qualified medical professional before beginning any nutritional program or exercise program. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on InShape News.

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